Please understand me at a level to which I already have had mental health therapy.  Even though in California, the options to the socialism of health care to what now is Obama Care, when I was in California this was not option offered to me as affordable course of action.  In California at that time, unless I already had an incident of some kind [ typically criminally ] involving drugs and/or behavioral issues to which then and only then the court does give resource to us in that state.

In alternative, I would have had to be placed in intensive direct in hospital care to the level of how bad I was presenting to the assistance I needed for appropriate care from the resources at my available hand to acquire.  That treatment care paid directly from family resources at a level way out of reach of affordability.  It was a major frustration of mine to overcome and a major attempt for what I could get from Foothill Aids Project in San Bernardino for Dr. Howard to offer a referral of any other better resource.  This was in fact the care he suggested our family to follow up at Loma Linda mental heath in care hospitalization. 

Not to really have to mention here since I actually have place this in documentation online, much to the reasons of why this mental treatment was in my case of need is due to events from 2005 into 2006 in a housing conflict very much now similar to events happening here in Denver.

I eventually found myself leaving town unannounced to my family by escaping on a suicidal car driving road trip to nowhere.  Along the course of this trip, I was highly serious to my doom of dumping my car along with me by driving over the side of cliffs as I was driving by in mountain areas.  In the desert of Death Valley, I drove on the wrong side of the road to be opposite of oncoming cars, we call this playing chicken thus turning out of jeopardy at the very last minute. 

Along with these in driving actions of doom gloom activities.  On that hot day I found myself driving through in Death Valley, I got out of my car at a point of interest sight location and started to walk without question to nothingness.  This along what was a dry river bed.  I eventually tired.  I am sure I walked more than 3 miles out before laying down to rest.  I had no motives but to lay there and die.  I tell you this is the truth.  It was almost dead up sun overhead noon when I laid down.  I could not even find a shadow to hold me but cramped into some corner in the rock side and cried to a level I know was unyielding of any one else being able to hear me or listening.

Eventually recovered somehow to resolve to walk back, I am here now.  But this is a very actual depiction of the state of emotional duress I was under while driving these roads during this trip to nowhere.

I eventually found myself heading east on 80 instead of west back to Oakland.  On east bound 80, I ran out of resources for gas to continue driving any longer east at around Cheyenne.  Yes, I am aware that Cheyenne is the Capitol of Wyoming.  That date of arrival was September 11th.  When I stopped in at the Subway Restaurant that is down the street from the Capitol building that I did not yet realize my location to the city, there was a street demonstration heading up the street to what I did not know.  I thought it interesting to find out what this was.  It was the anti effort protest for that day for the Reverend that was making a public statement of protest himself by burning the Quran on that date.

I took this as a sign that whatever conflicts I was in, whatever were my emotional distress holding me down of depression to the unknowing resolve I could see yet, and no matter what state I am working from, there are others that hold my points of view in common bonds I unite a cause to here that day whether I see them in my personal circles of people in community I personally encounter.  I took this as sign I am where I am suppose to be. I went to find the emergency shelter and checked in. This then begins to finally set up what I needed in help.  In that help, I was able to get housing at demand for a out of shelter move date November 1st into individualized independent housing that was filed in that state as HOPWA resources to subsidized my rent portion to $395 a month. The available stock of housing options was all providers of rental units at or below a certain baseline market price. 

This also was a start of what was truly intensive mental health treatment support offered to the community at Peak Wellness Center which I qualified for at $5 copay per visit.   This suicidal trip to nowhere actually saved my life.

This was when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar disorder even though I had presented my symptomatic issues to others in California.  They also placed me on a medication treatment Lithium.  This is a serious medication for serious symptoms in my life to which all of what was presenting to my doctor was the mental states from Oakland conflicts after I was put into HOPWA HOUSING that was  driving this condition of dysfunction forward.  This was not because I was on finally a suicidal trip.

 I should have been diagnosed this condition long long time ago properly.   None the less, it takes "The Equality State" of Wyoming to obtain a proper level care at resource of my affordability even though I have been on disability since 2000 for both presentation of HIV and MENTAL HEALTH in my first filing of disability claim.

But if not for the mental health misidentified diagnoses for so long and then the other common denominator of equation is a working hidden agenda working against me.  I can prove in Oakland with a hacked profile online, it was them and not me. Furthermore here it is same considerations with the documentation of harassment to the level I have and in this harassing ongoing progression they used a deceased person's identity from 2008 that was showing from Truthfinder and this person is supposedly in Mississippi questioning why I initiated a communication to them when I never did.   Personally speaking to this person over the a voice phone call before I did a background lookup on the details of the number.   So later in this same day, this progresses to me calling another totally separate person representing himself that was in chat from GuySpy who's profile is in Denver.

When I called him on his provided phone number, it went to voicemail to which the voice mail recorded name on the system attached to that number did not match the first name I was told I was talking to.

More to the point the recorded name on the voice mail was the first name of the person I was just talking with earlier in the day supposedly Mississippi and the full greeting on that voicemail is the same voice I was talking to in direct voice phone call.  No kidding. The GuySpy app has GPS interface to make the presence of local direct actuate or very near by location tracking to who is online using the app.  That is weird, right?   So that I proved it was them and not me in Oakland with a hacked profile and now that I proved it again unquestionably is them and not me here in Denver in real true extremes of what is normal to be able to deal with and/or cope with.  This is not right to allow to fend for myself as I have actually done.

There is much much more involved to the documentation of record of this harassment.  Maybe they think I will eventually succumb and that this will be wiped offline. 

I may have more command of my behavioral standing today than I did then in Oakland but ultimately I am the exact same man on the exact same course of ideals and constructs and messages attempting to get a voice of concern rather than silence that is needing to be actually disturbed of that silence into proper focus.